I ran into my old boyfriend in Portland and he asked me “When did you get to
Portland?” Then he said “No, wait, let me tell you when you got to Portland.”
And he told me the exact day I got to Portland, months after I had arrived here. He told me that he had had nightmares about me and knew that I must be in town. I ran into him at the beginning of September and we hung out. We had always been very attracted to each other. The last time I saw him was on September 11th and we got into a huge argument. The next morning he woke up and said to me “Would you like to go to the coast or would you like to go to Mount Hood?” If we had gone to the coast, my phone would have died and I would have never gotten the phone call. So instead, we go to Mount Hood and as we’re driving there I get this phone call and a friend says to me on the phone “You’re not going to date him again!” And I said “No, I’m not going to date him again.” He overheard me and got very upset and he’s crying and we get into an argument. I sit in the car for hours trying to talk him down. Eventually I had to get out of the car because I realize that I can’t calm him down. I apologized for upsetting him and I promised him I would
never call him again.  A couple of weeks later I went somewhere and ended up sleeping under a tree. I woke up in the morning out of a nightmare and I thought to myself “Somebody is dead and it’s my fault.” I told some friends about this dream and everyone said “Oh, no, no, no. That’s just a dream.” I went back to Portland and a friend told me that my old boyfriend had killed himself two days after September 11th. I was pregnant with his only child. It was especially strange because I was told I would never have children because of cancer I had as a child.

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